Its not as bad as it seems, but it feels really bad, and the fear is real.

I am blessed. I have shelter, and food. Have a significant amount of money even when I'm poor and live in a country where I'm free to climb out of my situations. My point is there are ppl starving or simply in less well off countries, and me im sitting here on that scale, fine, probably giving myself ulsers worrying about money problems that my too new car is part of, and so scared that the next second my situation is gonna get worse and if it does I don't know how to handle it.

Well I do hope things get better, but it is gonna take awhile even if nothing else goes wrong and that is almost impossible. I think the waiting is what kills me. And how depressed I get when one more thing is added to the pile right after I've nearly subdued the last wave of misfortune.

I'll get through this, its amazing what you can live through. But I hope some day I can actually aspire for what I'm aiming to be.

My rant on money and Stupid things in the world:
Every one hears while your growing up that the world is corrupt, but you will never believe it or see the extent of it until you walk into it. If you have an ounce of heart you still won't believe that the world is that screwed up or how it ever got that way. For all those like me who stubbornly believe that there is good in the world and that it will prevail, your faith will be TRIED. Don't let go, it does exist. Money: Is a peice of paper thats value is based on an idea that society gives it. Our currency can't even be backed up anymore by the gold in Fort Knox, there isn't enough. People are denied food, shelter, water,proper education, and medical things such as doctors and medicine, basic needs, life because they don't have enough paper, metal, minerals, enough of an IDEA. Institutes aka Colleges (this may apply to other institutes but i have not experienced that, I suspect though) When its more important for a school to take a students money to further furnish an already adequate facitlity and look at legalities and rules rather than see to it that a student gets the education he/she needs and succeeds in the world and further more makes it hell to right a wrong when it occures in the system and it does frequently. Also showing independent students or those coming to school with other circumstances byass by not giving them the same courtesies to student with parents and who won't take bullshit. If everyone wants to know thats how they make they're money. By bulldozing and taking advantage of students who don't have guidence of ppl handling the legalities, don't bother to tell us themselves, then take the liberty to through up there hands when the shit falls on me n say "it wasn't my fault, its not my problem". And then use the money to brick a perfectly good cement walk way. (DURING A RECESSION!) If you read this n you are or are going to be an independent student or close to that situation. Beware, do things slowly and watch what you do, people will take advantage of you. THANK YOU UNC CHARLOTTE! I know this is only DA but i wish the world could know about this.